The Reckoning

©️ By Sophie Lewis | The Grooming Files | Shadowborn Series

You think you’re healing. You feel lighter. Stronger. The storm passed, the ground’s still, your soul’s been through hell and back, and lived.

But then it comes.

Not as a bang. But a whisper. A trigger in the shape of a voice you forgot. A memory disguised as a smell. A choice that feels all too familiar.

This is the reckoning. The return of the wounds you thought you buried. The loop. The test. The echo.

The Myth of Arrival

No one tells you that breakthroughs aren’t an ending. They’re the beginning of another round.

I thought I’d crossed the finish line after my ego death. After I’d faced every terrifying corner of my past. After I felt peace. But healing doesn’t end. It evolves. And sometimes, it circles back.

I found myself revisiting habits I thought I’d unlearned. Doubting myself. Reaching for validation I swore I no longer needed. But this time, I knew.

And that’s the sting, the shame hits different when you’re conscious of the pattern.

healing echoes

I started calling it “healing echoes.”

You don’t spiral because you failed. You spiral because that part of you hasn’t caught up yet.

The child inside. The trauma-brain. The body memory. It repeats the old script, even after the soul has rewritten it.

And it hurts, because now you’re aware. Now you know why you’re angry, or needy, or numb. Now you see the moment it happens. And you have to choose: do I fall again, or do I stay?

Sometimes you fall. That’s okay. The difference now is: you don’t unpack there.

Family Ties, Soul Knots

The deeper I went, the more I saw it wasn’t just mine.

This pain… it’s ancient.

We inherit trauma like heirlooms. Unspoken violence. Repetition compulsion. The curse of pretending.

I had to grieve what I never received. Not because it was taken, but because it was never there.

The reckoning means understanding: you might never get closure from the people who harmed you. But you can still give it to yourself.

That’s power.

Boundaries as Ceremony

People think boundaries are walls. But they’re altars.

Each time I said “no,” I wasn’t rejecting others, I was choosing myself.

It took me years to realise I didn’t owe access to anyone. Not to family. Not to partners. Not to the version of me who only felt worthy when she was bleeding for everyone else.

Boundaries are spells. Cast in silence. Spoken in softness. Held in power.

When I started saying no without explanation, the reckoning deepened, because I saw who stayed.

Emotional Rehab

The weirdest part? Feeling safe made me uncomfortable.

I was addicted to chaos. Hypervigilance was my baseline. So when it got quiet, I panicked.

Healing required a total reset, not just of the mind, but of the nervous system.

That meant:

Sitting still when I wanted to run
Breathing through a flashback instead of numbing
Reminding myself the threat wasn’t real anymore

And it was fucking hard. But I was no longer surviving. I was re-learning how to live.

The Reckoning Within

The hardest person to face in this whole journey? Me.

The part of me that lied. That hurt others. That self-sabotaged. That repeated cycles I swore I hated.

And I didn’t approach her with hatred. I approached her like this:

“You were trying to keep me safe. But we don’t live there anymore.”

I didn’t shame her. I held her. That’s real forgiveness. Not the kind people preach online. Not the kind that lets others off the hook.

The kind that sets you free.

Still Becoming

You’re not broken for looping. You’re not a failure because the wounds still whisper.

You’re still becoming.

The reckoning isn’t a punishment. It’s proof that you’re deepening. That your healing is real. That your soul wants truth, not performance.

And this part? The part where you see yourself clearly, shadow and all, this is where the true return begins.

Not to the old life. But to the new one you’re building.

🫂 Soph x