©️ By Sophie Lewis | @sophielewiseditorial

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He messaged every day.
He remembered her dog’s name.
He waited three weeks before bringing up sex.
He told her, “You can talk to me about anything — I’m not like the others.”

He was lying.

This is the Groomer.
The predator who doesn’t chase — he charms.
Who doesn’t force — he flatters.
And who doesn’t hurt at first — because the real pain comes later.

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Predators in Plain Sight

Groomers are often the most dangerous predators because they appear to be safe.
They don’t break into houses — they walk through the front door with a smile. They don’t threaten — they whisper comfort. They don’t always act fast — they wait, they learn, they adapt.

Their method?

• Build trust
• Create secrecy
• Establish dependency
• Introduce confusion
• Cross boundaries slowly
• Blur reality entirely

And by the time the victim realises what’s happening, the emotional trap is already set.

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“He Was Always So Kind” — The Mask That Works

The Groomer can be:

• The youth worker who gives special attention
• The stepdad who’s “just really involved”
• The man in the DMs offering validation
• The older “boyfriend” who understands her better than her parents do

What unites them is the ability to read needs — and weaponise them.

They identify gaps in confidence, love, attention, stability — then insert themselves as the solution.

To the outside world, they’re “caring.”
To the victim, they’re confusing.
To safeguarding systems, they’re often invisible.

Until it’s too late.

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It’s Not Always About Age — It’s About Control

While grooming is often linked to child sexual abuse, it’s also used against adults. Survivors of domestic abuse, coercive control, or institutional exploitation have often been groomed too — just without anyone naming it.

Grooming doesn’t require youth — it requires vulnerability.
It’s not about the victim being naïve. It’s about the predator being strategic.

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Institutional Groomers

Some of the most dangerous groomers work inside the system.

• Teachers
• Clergy
• Care workers
• Foster carers
• Police officers
• Therapists

These predators use their position to disarm suspicion — and discredit victims. They frame concern as paranoia. They make children fear the consequences of speaking up. They create entire environments where they’re seen as heroes — while abusing in silence.

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Why It Works So Well

Because grooming isn’t just about the victim — it’s about everyone around them.

The predator doesn’t just win the child’s trust. He wins the trust of:

• Parents (“He’s so kind to the kids”)
• Colleagues (“He’s just got a good heart”)
• Communities (“He’s always helping out”)

By the time a disclosure happens, it’s often met with disbelief — or worse, blame.

And so the cycle continues.

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What It Leaves Behind

The impact of grooming goes beyond the physical. It infects identity, memory, and trust. Many survivors say the hardest part wasn’t the abuse — it was realising the person who made them feel safe was never real.

They mourn a version of someone who never existed.

Because grooming isn’t just abuse. It’s psychological fraud.

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We Have to Start Naming It

The word “grooming” gets thrown around online — but in safeguarding, it’s still too often misunderstood or minimised. It’s not just manipulation. It’s methodical. It’s learned. It’s repeatable.

And in the predator world, it’s currency.

Some groomers go on to train others. Some share techniques in forums. Some test the limits until the system caves.

But make no mistake — grooming is not confusion. It is conquest.
And it doesn’t look like a monster.
It looks like a friend.

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