“Too Late to Be Worthy” — How Society Grooms Children Into Rushing Sex

© By Sophie Lewis | The Grooming Files | @sophielewiseditorial

“You haven’t done it yet?”
“Still a virgin?”
“At your age?”

They don’t need to say anything more.
The shame has already landed.

We talk a lot about predators.
We talk about rape, grooming, trafficking, sexual violence.
But we don’t talk about this:
The way society grooms children into believing sex is a milestone they must reach early — or risk being othered forever.

We don’t talk about how that pressure doesn’t come from one adult.
It comes from everywhere.
From friends. From media. From jokes. From silence.

And it grooms you slowly. Softly.
Until not having sex becomes a source of shame.
Until virginity becomes something to get rid of — not protect.

The Cultural Timeline We Never Chose

From the moment we hit puberty, we’re sold a lie:
That there’s a right age to lose our virginity.
That everyone else is “doing it.”
That sex equals maturity, popularity, desirability, value.

And if you don’t?
You’re left out. Laughed at.
Rumoured to be “frigid.”
Assumed to be broken, religious, weird, closeted, traumatised — or just pathetic.

So you internalise it.
You watch your friends lie about “doing it” just to avoid the humiliation.
You start thinking maybe you should do it.
Even if you don’t want to.
Even if you’re not ready.
Even if it hurts.

Because the shame of not doing it feels louder than your own voice.

What No One Names

This is grooming.
Not by a single abuser — but by culture.

When virginity is treated as a social handicap, not a choice.
When worth is measured by how “experienced” you are, even as a child.
When being careful, slow, or unsure is seen as weakness.
When coercion isn’t just sexual — it’s social.

This isn’t about innocence. It’s about agency.
And society has made it clear: your agency is only accepted if it comes early and easy.

Who This Harms

The girls who said yes before they understood what that meant.
The boys who thought they had to perform to be “real men.”
The survivors who carried guilt for saying no — or guilt for saying yes too soon.
The ones who waited and felt ashamed.
The ones who didn’t want to — but felt they had to catch up.
The ones who still haven’t, and wonder if that makes them unlovable.

It doesn’t.

You are not broken because you took your time.
You are not less because you didn’t perform what society demanded.
You are not behind.

This Isn’t Empowerment. It’s Erasure.

The grooming culture doesn’t care what you want.
It just wants you to comply.
Early. Quietly. Proudly.

And if you don’t?
It will label you until you break.
Or until you fake it.
Or until you cross a line that can’t be uncrossed — just to be accepted.

This is how grooming works.
And it’s happening in schools, in group chats, in friend circles, in song lyrics, in everything they don’t call abuse — but is.

If no one’s ever said it to you — I will:

You didn’t fall behind.
You weren’t less.
You weren’t late.
And you don’t need to explain your boundaries to anyone.

We’re not just groomed by predators.
We’re groomed by expectation.
And we’re done calling it normal.