Survivors Raising Children: Breaking the Cycle of Silence

© By Sophie Lewis | The Grooming Files | @sophielewiseditorial

An honest look at what happens when adults who were never protected grow up to become protectors.

They Never Got What They Now Have to Give

There’s a quiet group of people navigating parenthood with a weight most don’t see.
They were abused as children — and never truly supported.
Now, they’re raising children of their own.

And every choice they make carries echoes of the past.
Every fear, every overreaction, every missed sign… is shaped by what they lived through and what no one helped them heal.

This article is for them.

For the parents doing their best without a map.
For the survivors trying to break cycles they never asked to be born into.

The Invisible Load of Survivor-Parents

Being a survivor doesn’t mean you’re broken.
But it does mean you carry things others don’t.

Things like:

Hypervigilance when your child is out of sight
Guilt over not knowing what’s “normal” vs what’s a red flag
Emotional shutdowns when your child expresses distress
Deep-rooted fear that you’ll miss something — or overreact

Survivor-parents are often highly protective, but also deeply unsure.
They may swing between extremes — giving too much freedom one moment, too little the next.

Because how do you model safety… when you were never shown it?

Overreaction or Trauma Response?

Let’s talk about the moments no one sees:

A child’s innocent play triggers a flashback
A routine nappy change brings up old shame
A bedtime story or phrase reminds you of something you’ve spent years burying
Your child starts showing signs of anxiety — and you spiral into fear that it’s already happening to them too

These aren’t overreactions.
They’re trauma responses.

But because society rarely acknowledges survivor-parents, these moments are often misread — even by the parent themselves.

The Shame of “Not Getting It Right”

Parenting is hard. But parenting without a blueprint is a different level of pressure.

Many survivor-parents:

Worry they’re emotionally unavailable
Fear they’re too intense
Struggle with touch, trust, or even basic play
Feel alienated from other parents who didn’t live what they lived

And yet, they’re constantly told to “just move on” or “focus on the kids.”

But healing doesn’t stop when parenting begins.
In fact, for many survivors, parenthood re-opens wounds they thought were long closed.

When Triggers Show Up in Your Child

One of the most terrifying experiences for a survivor-parent is seeing something in your child that feels too familiar:

A child suddenly afraid to go somewhere
Bedwetting that starts out of nowhere
Secretive behaviour
A child saying something that sounds “off” but you can’t explain why

The mind spirals.
Is it happening again?
Am I being paranoid?
Will people think I’m crazy?
Do I say something — or risk being wrong?

This is where survivors often feel most alone.

Because they’re not only questioning the world — they’re questioning themselves.

Support Is Prevention

Here’s the truth society still hasn’t fully grasped:

Supporting survivor-parents is a form of child protection.

When survivors are:

Heard
Validated
Given tools and language
Surrounded by non-judgemental support

They’re more able to parent from a place of healing — not fear.
More able to break generational cycles instead of just surviving them.

It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being supported — so your past doesn’t have to dictate your child’s future.

What Survivor-Parents Need

They don’t need judgement. Or silence. Or people assuming their trauma is over.

They need:

Trauma-informed parenting resources
Peer support groups with other survivor-parents
Accessible therapy that understands both parenting and CSA
Language to talk to their children about safety without fear or panic
Reassurance that their reactions make sense — and that they’re not alone

Being a parent is one of the most powerful acts of resistance a survivor can make.

It’s a chance to give what you never had.
To protect in ways you were never protected.
To break the silence — one choice, one conversation, one moment at a time.

But no one should have to do that alone.

This article is for the ones doing it anyway.
You are seen. You are not failing. And you’re not the only one carrying this weight.

Let’s start making space for it — before the next generation grows up thinking they have to do it alone too.

This is Part 5 of the ‘What We’re Still Not Talking About’ series.
Read the main article here:

What We’re Still Not Talking About