©️ By Sophie Lewis | The Grooming Files | The Indie Leaks | Real Talk, Real Tea
Inside the Mind — A Predator in His Own Words
This isn’t just about what he said.
It’s about how he said it — and what he didn’t say at all.
For three days, he came to me.
Voluntarily. Consistently. Carefully.
Claiming he was ready to be exposed.
And so I listened.
Not to comfort.
Not to redeem.
But to document.
Every word below is his. Every reaction, mine.
This is what happens when a survivor doesn’t flinch — and the predator runs out of script.
“I Just Want to Talk to Someone”
His first message wasn’t a warning. It was casual.
“Do you expose offenders?”
Polite. Neutral. Almost detached.
But the next line told me this wasn’t research. It was a reckoning.
“I used to talk to underage kids on Xbox. I got done for it.”
“Everyone in my old town already knows.”
He didn’t lead with the impact.
He led with the fallout.
His. Not theirs.
That pattern never broke.
The “N-Word” That Shook Him
He couldn’t say it.
Not the name of a victim. Not the name of the crime.
But the one word that shattered his identity:
“Nonce.”
Not in anger. Not in denial.
But in shame. Fear. Fragility.
“I just can’t take that word.”
He wasn’t afraid of what he did.
He was afraid of what it meant.
“Is it fair to say it?” he asked me.
More than once.
That’s where I realised —
his biggest fear wasn’t guilt.
It was recognition.
What He Did — In His Words
I asked for clarity.
Not a headline. Not legal phrasing.
The truth, in his own terms.
“Masturbating.”
Just that.
No timeline.
No age of the child.
No horror.
No hesitation.
It came out clean. Cold. Undramatic.
When asked why he did it:
“Fun.”
Not confusion. Not loneliness.
Just that word: fun.
Like it was a game.
Like the child on the other end wasn’t real.
Was There Any Guilt?
I asked if he felt guilt while it was happening.
“Yes and yes.”
But it didn’t land.
There was no weight to it.
No reflection. Just a checkbox answer — ticked and passed over.
Then I asked the harder question:
What do you think those kids walked away with?
“I didn’t think.”
Not “I didn’t know.”
Not “I didn’t care.”
Just “I didn’t think.”
That’s the danger.
Not the men who plot and plan — but the ones who don’t think at all.
Because when you don’t think, you don’t stop.
Why Talk Now?
He told me he wasn’t looking for pity.
He wasn’t suicidal. He wasn’t seeking legal advice.
“I just want to sleep better.”
That was it.
Not redemption. Not reparation.
Rest.
“I need to tell someone.”
“You seem genuine.”
But I wasn’t there for comfort.
I was there for documentation.
Does He Think He’s Safe Now?
I asked the obvious question:
“Are you safe to be around children now?”
“Yes.”
That was all.
No proof. No reasoning.
Just a flat, confident yes.
But I didn’t believe him.
Because I’d heard what came before it.
And because I’d seen what came after.
Is He Changed — Or Just Shamed?
I asked if he felt different now.
“Yes. Because I lost everything.”
Not because I harmed someone.
Not because I faced what I did.
Because he lost something.
That’s not accountability.
That’s ego in ruins.
I asked if he ever tried to justify it.
“No. Never.”
He knew it was wrong.
But he still did it.
He didn’t claim ignorance.
He didn’t pretend confusion.
He just called it “fun.”
When the Past Becomes a Shield
Then came the line so many predators eventually reach for:
“I was abused too.”
It landed like a whisper.
No follow-up. No pain. No connection to what he did.
Just a fact — as if that explains it all.
But survivors know this truth:
Your pain doesn’t give you the right to cause more.
The Final Question He Couldn’t Answer
I asked him:
“If a child victim of abuse read this one day — what would you want them to take from your words?”
He replied:
“I really don’t know. That’s the truth.”
Not “I’m sorry.”
Not “You didn’t deserve it.”
Just “I don’t know.”
And that’s where the interview ended in truth.
Not with a confession.
Not with closure.
But with exposure.
Reflection: What He Said — and What He Never Will
He said:
- “I lost everything.”
- “I want to be exposed.”
- “I didn’t think.”
He never said:
- “I hurt someone.”
- “I’m sorry for what they went through.”
- “I wish I could undo it.”
That silence?
It’s louder than the words.
Why This Matters
Because this is how predators speak when they think someone will listen.
Because these aren’t just one man’s words — they’re echoes of thousands.
Because understanding the mindset is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Because if survivors like me don’t document it — who will?
Appreciate my work? Here’s how you can support it.
Everything I write — from exposés to reflections — is created independently, with no funding, no sponsors, and no backing. Just me, working across three platforms to share stories, challenge silence, and expose what others won’t.
If my work has moved you, informed you, or made you feel less alone — and you’d like to help me keep going — I’ve created a GoFundMe to support the growth and sustainability of this work.
Any support helps — whether it’s towards better equipment, secure hosting, emotional recovery, or just the time and space to keep telling the truth.
There’s no pressure. Just deep gratitude for reading, sharing, and being here.
Support the work here.
With love and fire — Soph 🖤
The Grooming Files 
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